we-hell, i certainly have not been active here. on the upside(?), i have not been active on any other blogging sites, either, discord only.
she’s done nothing wrong, ever, in her life
ref’d from Mrs. James Guthrie (1865) by Frederic Leighton
There was a ghibli redraw trend on twitter, and I was cool with it until I came across this still shot from Howl's Moving Castle and felt compelled for a week. This took me a total of 18 hours, and I must stop looking at it or else I will keep rendering it to oblivion. Good study! Good fun and healing. Here's the original.
looks like the classmate forgot, lol (why am i not surprised?)
i guess i might do my best at the exam tomorrow if i still can, but i'm not too pressed about it. the course was shit... i'd rather find the course online and actually learn something.
i was at my cousin's lovely casual wedding yesterday and now i just... feel sad and lonely. again.
also stressed because a classmate insists that i have to do the exam for a course that i havent studied for. he promised to help but that doesn't really help because... i prefer to do exams alone. even during this iso stuff, lots of my classmates did exams in discord calls but i did them alone. i don't want to do the exam at all but doing it with someone is even less desirable
also also yes i know my ego is talking here a lot re: that whole thing, i know. but also. the assuming bad faith and assuming incompetence, also the whole mobbing thing, yes i'm sure it will help this conversation if everyone present jumps in to give their two cents and talk over the person who actually belonged to the group i was asking about, certainly will not make the convo hard to follow -- i don't think i'm baselessly annoyed about these things. but i do acknowledge that my ego took a knock. i'm WAY most pissed off about that assumption of incompetence that permeated that whole convo.
i've realised that we sj people have a tendency to talk to people who aren't constantly perfect beacons of never-needs-to-ask-questions-or-venture-into-the-uncertain-because-they-already-know-everything like we start off from the assumption they don't have clean flours in their bag. That is to say, whatever they're asking about, they're asking about in bad faith.
I mean, yes, sealioning is a thing, and blah blah don't owe it to people to be their teacher blah, but we can't just automatically assume that everyone is sealioning, and if you don't owe it to ppl to be their teacher just say that and shut the fuck up afterwards instead of trying to get in some ~cool clapback~.
So anyway basically i got treated like an idiot again for asking whether it would be iffy for me to write a character who isn't like myself. I honest to g-d don't understand why it's so hard to answer a simple yes/no question with a simple yes/no instead of either being so fucking roundabout and evasive, or, on the other hand, jumping into conversation which does not pertain to you like: "You clearly know nothing about social accountability 101! Aka, you're an idiot!" (... thanks for assuming i'm stupid, again. damn i wish people would assume competence on my part once in a while. i'm fucking soooooooorrrrrrrrrryyyyyy that i'm neurodivergent, you fuckwits. or sorry that you're an asshole, rather.) or not like actually reading what I say but rather jumping to... frankly offensive conclusions, yiiiiiiikes.
but this is also a bit of a callout to myself cuz i had a p heated argument with a good friend of mine earlier where i, also, basically assumed assholeness on her part even though i should know better -- better enough, at least, to give her the benefit of the doubt. but as we all know, righteous anger feel good. doesn't make it actually good.
Anyway no one better be confessing to someone as an April Fools, because that's seriously not okay
so atmo i just kinda wanna shower my crush in attention like in a no strings attached kinda way
party looks this week
tshirt that says
on the front and
does not mean
I AM GAY!!!!!
on the back
but like fuck my life
and i'm sorry that i'm really only using this site to whine about how crap i feel all the time
i miss having the crush on high bc i didnt have as much spontaneous self-loathing during it?
i prescribe salmiakki koskenkorva for rolling around in self-pity
what to do when nobody actively wants you in their lives, you're just conveniently there
fuckin sigh. in the morning i was all determined and confident. now i'm analysing my interactions with people unnecessarily again, ffs
it's actually kinda super freeing to just go "fuck it" and i haven't really known how much so 'til now